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| My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante | Marriage may often be a stormy lake, but celibacy is almost always a muddy horsepond. -Thomas Love Peacock |
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| Why does a woman work ten years to change a man’s habits and then complain that he’s not the man she married? -Barbara Streisand | To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up. -Ogden Nash |
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| I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't. -Patrick Murray | All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage. -Lord Byron |
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| Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. -Elie Wiesel | A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. -Arnold H. Glasow |
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| Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory. -Abraham Lincoln | We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations--we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together. -Rodney Dangerfield |
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| Women are confusing. They hate it when you ask how old they are, then they turn around and bite your head off if you forget their birthday. -Scott E. Roeben | Don't tell a woman she's pretty; tell her there's no other woman like her, and all roads will open to you. -Jules Renard |
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